By the age of 14, I was convinced there was something "wrong" with me. Different was one of the words I'd have used to describe myself. I was a very shy and quiet kid. I remember quite vividly the day Aunty Benedict, one of my teachers, in her most concerned tone, asked a family member, "She is always quiet, does she talk?" I remember boiling with words in my heart. I wanted to say, "Oh, you bet I can talk!" If only she knew all I knew about her—like the fact that she had a smile that made all of us relax, and how we preferred her to the other "Small (slightly wicked) Aunty." Rather than speak, I did what I always did when someone was talking over me—I smiled and looked away.
For years, I hid behind this shy persona, almost embarrassed to speak to people I didn’t know or in public. One of the major turning points ( I will leave the other turning points for another day) that helped me understand myself was understanding different personality types. I realized I was largely just introverted (you can take this cool personality test here - https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test). It hit me -there was nothing wrong with me, except for the fact that I had let other people define me and tell me who I was.
Looking back, I wish I had spent less time worrying about how "different" I was and more time appreciating the gifts that came with my personality. For instance, I’ve always had a knack for observing people. I knew when Melissa—my best friend in Junior Secondary School—was tired because she tilted her head slightly to the right and walked a bit haphazardly. This helped me know when to approach her and be the great friend she need me to be. I noticed that when my sister wasn’t being honest with me, her nose opened up a little bit wider than usual 😏. I could almost confidently say, “Aha, I know you’re lying,” and I was almost always right. When I stopped letting others define me, I saw my personality for what it truly was—a gift from God.
This is true for you as well. Certain personality types are often branded as cool or “appropriate” for women. But so what if you’re more outgoing than the “average” girl because of your extroverted nature? Who says that’s wrong? You bring a warmth to the world that a typical INFJ or INFP might not (okay, if you haven’t taken the test, I can almost confirm you’re lost—lol 😆). Why deprive us of your “life of the party” nature?
And what if, like me, you’re more reserved and enjoy your private life? Trust me, there’s enough gist from everyone else to fill the 365 days of the year. You can enjoy your life, scroll through Instagram, think of funny comments, and take pictures you’ll never post 😌. So what?
My point? There’s nothing wrong with you. If there is, then there’s something wrong with all of us.
Here’s the catch: Every personality type has weaknesses. Your responsibility is to flourish in your strengths and grow in your weaknesses. I remember a time when my extroverted friend went too far with a joke at a little get-together. Everyone laughed, but I knew it had hurt another friend deeply because I could see her face sink in deep. Extroverts can sometimes overlook boundaries, while introverts like me may retreat too easily into our shells.
Whatever your weakness is, don’t wear it as a badge or justify it with statements like, “I’m an introvert, so I just do this.” See it as an area for growth. Work on it.
As we move into 2025, the real question isn’t, “What’s wrong with me?” but, “How do I grow?” Whatever your personality type, embrace it. Flourish in your strengths, work on your weaknesses, and remember—there’s nothing wrong with being exactly who you are.
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