What Nobody Sees Behind the Ambition: Titilope Odulaja on Success, Comparison and Learning to Live.

 From the outside, people often tell Titilope Odulaja, a leader at Tribe Thando, that she is lucky. They see the opportunities she has had, the things she has achieved, the many things she takes on, and the ambition behind what she is trying to build.

But behind the ambition is a young woman who thinks deeply, carries questions privately, wrestles with comparison, and is learning that building a meaningful future should not come at the cost of experiencing the present.

What might people assume your life looks like right now, and what don’t they see?

From the outside, people often tell me I am lucky. They see the opportunities I have had, the things I have achieved, the number of things I take on, and the ambition behind what I am trying to build. Sometimes, I think people see me as someone who has it together. Someone who is ambitious, capable, and always moving. What they do not see is how much is happening in my head.

I think a lot. Sometimes too much. I am constantly thinking about what I should be doing, what I could be doing better, what I want my future to look like, and how to balance all the things I have committed myself to. I can be physically present and still mentally occupied by ten other things. I also do not always talk about the pressure I feel. I tend to process things privately, especially when I am not yet ready to talk about them. So people may see the ambition, but they do not always see the uncertainty, the pressure, or the amount of thinking that sits behind it.

What has been one of the hardest things about trying to build the future you want?

One of the hardest parts of trying to build the future I want is that sometimes I feel like I am the only person who can fully see it. There have been times when people close to me did not understand what I was trying to do or why I was making certain decisions. It is difficult when you want people you care about to understand your choices, but they cannot always see what you see. Sometimes I have had to stop explaining and accept that this is my life to figure out.

Being intentional has also meant making difficult decisions about relationships. I am someone who values relationships deeply, so recognising that some relationships may not fit into the future I am trying to build can be painful. Sometimes you want to hold on because you care, but you also have to be honest about whether the relationship still fits where you are going.

Have you ever felt like you were falling behind your peers?

I have had seasons where I felt like I was falling behind my peers. What has helped me is changing the way I look at comparison. When I see someone doing something I wish I had already done, I try not to stop at the result. I ask myself: What made this possible for them? What did they do? What opportunities did they have? What social or economic advantages did they have? What can I learn from their journey? I do not really want to envy someone’s results without understanding the work, opportunities, and circumstances behind them.

So I have started categorising people differently. There is someone I can learn from. Someone whose journey I can study. Someone I may want to become like in certain ways. And someone whose path is simply different from mine. That shift has helped me remember that we are not all starting from the same place or working with the same resources. Two people can be the same age and have completely different circumstances, networks, opportunities, and responsibilities. So sometimes, what looks like being behind is simply being on a different timeline.

How has IHA changed the way you think about success and your own timeline?

My time in Inspire Her Afrika has helped me understand this even more. Before IHA, I think I had a more general idea of success. Being part of this community has made me think more intentionally about what success means to me as an African woman. One thing I have taken seriously is competence. I do not just want to achieve things. I want to become genuinely capable of doing the things I say I want to do. IHA has also helped me appreciate growth more. Every week, through the learning, activities, conversations, and reflection, I can see small ways I am becoming better than I was before. That has changed how I think about my timeline. I do not have to rush simply because someone else appears to be ahead. I can move at my own pace while still taking my growth seriously.

What are you currently learning to give yourself permission to do?

Perhaps one of the most important things I am currently learning is that I am allowed to enjoy my life while building it. For a long time, I have associated being intentional with being productive. There is always something else to learn, another responsibility to handle, another goal to pursue. Sometimes, I have felt that if I am not doing something productive, I am wasting time. I am learning that this is not true. I am learning to give myself permission to have fun. To explore the world beyond work. To have conversations that do not lead to an opportunity. To rest without feeling like I need to justify it. To experience life, not just prepare for the future. I am still ambitious. I still have a lot I want to do. But I am beginning to understand that ambition should not require me to miss my own life.

What nobody sees behind the ambition

Maybe that is what nobody sees behind the ambition: I am still figuring it out too. I am learning how to carry big dreams without allowing them to consume me, how to admire other people’s journeys without abandoning my own, and how to build a future I am proud of while still allowing myself to live in the present. And maybe that is what becoming looks like.

 

Things We Wish Someone Had Told Us Earlier

There are some lessons we only learn with time, and sometimes, we wish someone had given us the heads-up sooner. In the latest episode of the Inspire Her Afrika Podcast, members of Tribe Thando and Tribe Adese come together for an honest, relatable conversation about the things they wish someone had told them earlier. The conversation explores life, career decisions, self-discovery, expectations, growth, and the realities of navigating your 20s as a young African woman.

Watch the full episode on YouTube: Watch the full episode on YouTube